Mawwiage. Mawwiage is what bwings us togethew today.

I would like to take this opportunity to either guarantee your vote, or completely alienate you as a potential voter. The truth be told, if I alienate you on this one, you would probably be miserable in Commonland and even if this wasn’t a deal breaker for you, something later on the line would be. So let’s get into it.

As previously stated, “In order to qualify for marriage, both participants must be willing, over the age of 21, sober, blood tested and most importantly have different skin color.” I hope the more astute readers noticed that I did not say between a man and woman, but “participants”. So yes, I will officially say it. I am FOR SAME SEX MARRIAGE. Just as much as I am in favor of drunken one night stands, tattoos, body piercing, high fiber diets, tetanus shots, carrying a concealed weapon, birth control, abstinence, abortion, religion, high fat diets, internet porn, group masturbation, chewing on your fingernails, mixed martial arts, and riding a motorcycle without a helmet. They all make sense to some people and are all equally stupid to other people.

If you are gay or lesbian and you choose to marry, you should suffer the same consequences and gain the same tax benefits as the rest of us heterosexual marrying folks. Now to appease some of you conservatives, I plan on banning Gay/Lesbian/Transgendered parades. I don’t remember the last “straight & proud of it parade”. Be what you want to be, but you don’t need to wear a rainbow t-shirt while walking down the road with assless chaps on telling people how different you are.

While I’m on the subject of the “alternative lifestyle” (if there is such a thing), if you are gay, lesbian or transgendered, and you would like to serve in my Military, then GOD BLESS YOU FOR SERVING YOUR KINGDOM! If you are not one of the above and do not feel comfortable enough with yourself to serve with one of the people listed above, then I don’t want you anyway cause you are too scared to serve the greater good.

Take care of yourselves and each other.

Your Supreme Ruler

King Common