Hopefully you picked up on the topic of this posting from the title. If you didn’t, then do me a favor, make sure when you cut your wrists you go the length of the forearm, not across the wrists!!
Ok. So I don’t know if I told you all or not, but I am married, but that by no stretch of the imagination means I’m NOT going to play the field while serving as your king. Maybe you don’t fully understand the meaning of the word “king”, but one of the implications is that I AM GOING TO GET BLOWJOBS! I mean seriously, can you think of a better pick up line that "Hey, I'm THE KING". I don’t want any of this secretive “I got a blowjob from an intern” bullshit. Let’s be honest, what do you really think happens with ANY position of power?
Now that’s out in the open. Let’s discuss what you can expect. First and foremost, I do not hold myself to a higher standard than I hold My Queen. If she wants to get eaten out or have sex with her bathers, then GOD BLESS HER. I fully intend to have sex with my bathers, why should I expect less of her?!?!?!
Anytime something stressful presents itself to me, I fully intend on getting a blowjob before making a decision. Always better to make important decisions without the baby batter on the brain. What that means to you all as citizens of Commonland, is that ANYTIME you see me on TV doing a “State Of The Kingdom Address” you can rest assured that I just got a sweet blowjob that may or may not have included a pinkie in the asshole. If we have to go to war…… I just got a blowjob. If unemployment is rising I just got a blowjob….. If we need to balance the budget I just got a blowjob…. If some dumb ass made the mistake of attacking My Kingdom….. I just got a blowjob etc etc etc.
And for all of you womens out there that think you can blackmail me with “The Dress”???????? I’ll make you a deal. Before I make any “Major Decision”, I promise to make a new dress!!! In fact, I promise as your king to put a new “King Christened Dress” on EBay every single week. Hell, if it’s a good week, I promise to put 2 or 3 on there.
So for all of you out there that might be offended by my openness with the fact that I like Blowjobs, I would like to say “I apologize”, but that wouldn’t be very royal of me now would it!!!
For once you have a leader that is honest. I hope you appreciate the honesty for a change.
Your Supreme Ruler
King Common
The royal penis is clean, your Highness.
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