Of all the things that need to be addressed in my new society of decency and sanity, this may seem trivial to some of my people, but it is important. Those of you, my loyal servants that own cats, have known for years that you truly do not OWN cats, you are merely there to provide them with a nice cushy life for which they do not appreciate or give thanks.
I may not have spent enough time addressing what will be the “official” language of Commonland, but whatever it is, we need to teach it to Dogs in a very rapid and expedient manner. Dogs need to learn that they are there to keep you warm on cold nights, and bark at intruders that decide to ignore the ADT sign in the front yard. For some reason, dogs are starting to think that they are cats and are put on this earth to be served by humans. They need to learn that they are NOT cats and are NOT on this earth to be served by humans.
Apparently cats have already learned (without having to be taught the Commonland Language) that they are the dominant species on the planet and do not need to speak the language of the Commoners. Dogs on the other hand, still think they are here to be served and they do not realize it is the EXACT opposite.
So my solution to the problem is to teach all the dogs in My Kingdom the official language of The Commoners so that they understand their ranking in My Kingdom. That way when we say “stop pissing and shitting on the floor and I’ll let you stay inside the house tonight” they will understand what is expected of them and what they can expect of us. At least cats know that if they piss & shit in a box, they will be left alone to do what they want and go where they please. And they know that when they get SCARED TO DEATH by a piece of shit stuck on a hair sticking out of their butthole that we (as human beings, top of the food chain) will be there to pull the hair/shit out of their ass so they can go back to ignoring us and treating us like we are here to serve them.
And most importantly for all you tree hugging, hippy PETA members in My Kingdom, although I really LOVE my dog and would own a cat if my wife and kid weren’t allergic to them, keep in mind, PETA stands for “People Eating Tasty Animals” in My Kingdom.”
Take care of yourselves and each other.
Your Supreme Ruler
King Common
No comments:
Post a Comment