SSRI + Benzo + Viagra = Happieness

My staff brought to my attention today that somebody flew a plane into a building in Austin Texas. I was very saddened to hear about this event; however it reminded me of my last two postings: Taxes and Suicide.

Had I been your elected King this tragedy would have never occurred. Why? Because in My Kingdom there won’t be an IRS, just a Marijuana Tax, and if you want to commit suicide, then there will be centers for that.

More importantly what came to mind today is how I can keep this tragedy from happening again. It’s called “Prozac”. Many of you out there are probably thinking that you don’t need Prozac. That’s like saying you don’t need money. You can never be too rich or too beautiful. For that matter, you can never have too much SSRI’s in your system. My solution is I will have daily aerial sprayings of Prozac and Ativan (it’s a benzodiazepine, similar to Valium) over my entire country on a regular basis. That way if you feel as though you are wronged by my rulings, you won’t care!!!

Think of all the benefits. All my citizens will be happier, sleep better, drive slower and relax more. There are some minor risks of sexual dysfunction, SSRI’s (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors, like Prozac) have been known to decrease libido. However, since healthcare will be universal, you can take all the Viagra you want, and it won’t cost you a dime. I don’t see any downside, and since I am King, my vote is the only one that matters.

The jackass today that flew his plane into the IRS building would either have had no desire to kill himself, or would have been able to do it in a controlled environment. He needlessly endangered innocent bystanders, and more importantly all the first responders to the scene (Police, Fire & EMS) would not have needed to put themselves in harm’s way for a psychopath. Think of all the important things your Emergency Service Personnel could have been doing. They could have been eating a donut (Police) taking a nap (EMS) or working out and then staring at themselves in the mirror (Fire). If you think you do not need the Prozac or Ativan, don’t worry, in about 4 to 6 weeks when your levels are up, you will either not care or you will thank me.

Your Supreme Ruler

King Common