M.A.S.H.

I got a specific request from one of my future loyal subjects. He asked that I address the issue of Suicide and Assisted Suicide.

I would venture to say that the leading cause of suicide is Depression. I suppose there are the occasional spies that have to swallow cyanide pills to avoid the inevitable torture and subsequent murder at the hands of their enemies, the new guy in prison who doesn’t want to be married to and ass raped by Bubba, or those truly sick individuals that do it for love, but my guess is most are depressed.

According to MayClinic.com, “Depression is one of the most common health conditions in the world.” So if depression is a medical disorder, it should be treated as such. However like MANY other medical problems, it can be a terminal medical problem. Maybe for people with depression, suicide is just the final part of the disease process. Let’s start looking at it from a medical point of view. If somebody had cancer and they were told it was terminal and they chose to not go through chemotherapy and radiation and to die at home with dignity and with family, then most people think that is ok. But somebody with a major depressive disorder, a medical condition, chooses not to receive treatment and wants to finish their disease process with suicide, then all the bleeding hearts of the world want to step in and save them from themselves.

I hate to tell you, but you can’t have your cake and eat it too!!! As your King, I will not sit on my throne and tell you what disease process you can and cannot die from. If you are depressed and would like to kill yourself, then I have absolutely no problem with that. The only thing I ask is that you follow some simple steps prior to you finishing your disease process.

In order for your assisted suicide to be legal, you must meet the following criteria.

1. 1. Meet with a Physician and discuss your treatment options for whatever your reason is.

2. 2. If your Physician recommends that you see a specialist like a Psychiatrist, then you must follow up with him/her.

3. 3. Wait a minimum of 2 weeks. During that 2 weeks, you see a Physician/Psychiatrist 2 times per week.

Once you have met the above criteria, you can schedule your assisted suicide at an approved facility. Some of you out there might think that my rules for suicide are a little too relaxed. Well, the truth be told, if it keeps ONE person from committing “Suicide By Cop” then it is worth it. It’s hard enough to hire, train and retain good police officers, we don’t need them losing sleep at night because your dumb ass couldn’t pull the trigger yourself.

Your Supreme Ruler

King Common