In The Bible, The Book of Revelation spends a lot of time talking about Armageddon. Specifically Revelation 9:16 refers to an army of 200 million men, and some religious rights have thought that this could possibly refer to China. Well, I hate to tell you, but just further proof that I might be the Anti-Christ, in my opinion, 200 million is child’s play. In Commonland, every citizen who is physically capable of serving in the military will do so. And by physically capable, I mean don’t think you can over eat, gain a lot of weight and not qualify for duty. My health insurance will cover gastric bypass, nutritionists, gymnasium and a personal trainer until you are fit for military service. But if you make me go through all of that just to get you in shape to serve, then I get to pick which branch and what your job is going to be. If you don’t make me, then I will do the best I can to make sure that you can choose your branch and your means of service. Also keep in mind, just because you WANT to do something, doesn’t mean you CAN do it.
I know as a child you were probably told you can do anything you want as long as you put your mind to it. I hate to be the one to tell you, but that’s bullshit. I WANT to be a supermodel but the reality is I CANNOT be one. Except as King, then I’ll be like Oprah, have my own magazine and only put myself on the cover. What does that mean to you as my loyal citizens? If you have bad vision, then you are not going to be a fighter pilot. If you have flat feet, then I’m not going to make you an infantry soldier, if you are 4’0”, then I’m not going to put you on the drill squad and if you are just barely above the AOFTT level (see previous post), then you are not going to be in a position of command. Now I know some of you may object to military service due to morale grounds for killing others, please understand that although I cannot fathom that problem, I will still find you a job. There is always a need for cooks and laundry personnel.
This may surprise some of you, but I DO NOT believe in the right to keep and bear arms. I DO NOT believe that owning a firearm should be an option. In fact, in Commonland, you do not have the right to bear arms, you have the OBLIGATION to bear arms. After you have completed your service in the military, you will be required to keep and maintain your firearm that you were issued during service. I have not yet decided on what will be standard issue for my soldiers, but rest assured it will be a reliable weapon with stopping power. At any given moment you may be required to re-qualify in the presence of a firearms instructor at a shooting range, and if you do not keep, maintain and qualify with your weapon, you will be fined and put on restriction.
Women in combat: For some reason this seems to be a controversial topic for some people. I have no idea why. I suppose just as much as I do not approve of affirmative action. I do not care what age, race and GENDER you are. The best person for the job gets the job. My current profession is in a traditionally male dominated profession. There are starting to be more and more women in it and I could not be happier. However, keep in mind, just like I stated earlier, just because you want, doesn’t mean you can. If you are a woman, and you are 4’11” and you want to be on the drill team that requires you to be 6’0” tall exactly, I’m not telling you no because you are a woman, I’m telling you no because you are 4’11”. To all my women citizens out there, you will apply, test and qualify with everybody else and everybody is on the same playing field. Because let’s be honest, whether you are the doctor cutting into my body, the accountant handling my taxes or the fighter pilot protecting my nation, I wasn’t the best person doing the job.
It is fully my intent that if we are attacked or need to call up reserves at any given moment, that every citizen in Commonland over the age of 18, not a felon and physically/mentally capable, be ready to defend Commonland on a moment’s notice. So if that makes me the Anti-Christ for wanting to have an army of 200 million, then so be it.
On a final note, and I apologize for leaving this until the end because it is near and dear to my heart, one other item that will be mandatory in all homes in Commonland, is the SNUGGIE. If you have not yet experienced the benefits and comfort of a snuggie, then you are missing out. If you are one of those men out there who are too insecure with yourself to own a snuggie, then get over it. Snuggies will be issued to everybody in my military and will be required to keep them and maintain them just like you do your weapon. Trust me when I tell you that it will be one of the many things in my Kingdom that you will appreciate once you just let the experience happen.
Your Supreme Ruler
King Common
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