Why does “The Man” feel that he can tell me when it’s okay to have a bad habit? Why is it not okay to buy alcohol between midnight and 6am Mon – Saturday and Midnight Saturday to noon on Sunday? What changes between those hours that make alcohol any more intoxicating, sex encouraging, black out enhancing, narcotic potentiating, fattening, karaoke inducing or addictive? I am a grown ass man and if I want to get off work at 0600 on a Sunday morning and I want to have a beer, I should be able to go to the Kwiki Mart and buy some beer. Las Vegas serves alcohol 24/7 and despite the wishes and prayers of the Religious Right, it has not exploded.
One of my rules as your King is to never identify a problem without also offering a solution. My solution is for any establishment with a valid liquor license to sell any alcohol any time of the day to any person 21 or older who does not already appear to be intoxicated. They do not even have to worry about looking at identification since everybody will be chipped and the chip will have their age on it. All stores with a valid liquor license must also have an instant breathalyzer that they may ask any person purchasing alcohol to do. If they so choose to have every single person do it every single time, then that is their policy and if you do not like it, you do not have to purchase your breakfast beer from them.
Another problem that I foresee arising is the increase in the number of cases of DUI’s. The legal blood alcohol level will be 0.08. As you will see in future postings I will be very tough on crime with a very low tolerance for repeat offenders. So there will be none of this bullshit about people having multiple DUI’s and still driving and not being incarcerated for life. If you are pulled over for suspected DUI, you will be given a breathalyzer. If you refuse, that is an automatic admission of guilt and you will be sentenced to 1 year hard labor and your car will be impounded and sold. After your first DUI offense, you will be required for life to have a breathalyzer installed in your car that will act as a kill switch. On your second offense, you will be sentenced to 10 years of hard labor. On your third offense, you will be executed. No appeals, no exceptions, no deals and no lawyer. If your blood alcohol level is 0.08 or above that is an automatic conviction. If you are involved in a Motor Vehicle Collision and if either EMS or PD suspects alcohol is involved, then the hospital will be REQUIRED to draw your blood and tested for alcohol. Same rules apply to the breathalyzer. If you are responsible for a collision and you are intoxicated you are automatically financially responsible for everybody involved. If somebody is killed in that collision, EVERYTHING you own is given to the family and you will be executed.
It’s very simple. I will not tell you when you can or can’t drink. Just drink responsibly.
Your Supreme Ruler
King Common
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